Jack, that's a GOOD one... I like it!
(Here is one you guys MAY have seen before, along the lines of Jack's "nerdy/geeky" computer-guy humor up there):
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Operating Systems as beers:
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(MICROSOFT BREWERY FAMILY OF BEERS, 1st)
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, & requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, though improved in Version 6.22, many people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available (as its ingredients live on in other MS beers).
Windows 3.1 Beer:
Used to be the world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when opened.
Windows 9x/ME Beer:
Many people taste-tested it & claimed it's wonderful. Can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. Comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer & say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew. Like "Classic Coke" & it's fiascos vs. NEW COKE? Something happened on the way to ME, & got lost in the translation! Cans don't explode as much as Win3.x cans do!
Windows NT Beers (NT 3.x):
Comes in 32-oz. cans, & you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out & buy bigger refrigerators. The can used to look just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, & the company promised to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer started shipping. Touted as "industrial strength" beer, & suggested only for use in bars. The cans explode VERY infrequently.
Windows NT Beers (NT 4.x):
Comes in 32-oz. cans. This causes most people to have to go out & buy bigger refrigerators still again. Cans no longer looks like Windows 3.1 Beer's, & the company promised to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's & did so. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, & suggested only for use in bars but is used in homes. The cans explode VERY infrequently, less than previous versions.
Windows 2000 Beers:
Comes in 32-oz. cans. This causes most people to have to go out & buy bigger refrigerators YET still again. Can no longer looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's OR Windows NT Beers (slight embellishments on Windows NT 4.0 beer). Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, & suggested only for use in bars but is used in homes & for recreatinal purposes, but is not fully functional here as was Windows 9x beer. The cans explode VERY infrequently, even less than NT models.
Windows XP Beers:
Comes in 32-oz. cans. This causes most people to have to go out & buy bigger refrigerators AGAIN, YET still again. Can no longer looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's OR Windows NT Beers (embellishments on Windows NT 4.0 beer) & improves upon Windows 2000 beers. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, & IS NOT ONLY SUGGESTED FOR USE IN BARS ONLY & is quite regularly used in homes + for recreatinal purposes! Now, fully functional here in homes as was Windows 9x beer but w/ a more robust flavour. ALMOST NO CAN EXPLOSIONS!
Windows Server 2003 Beers:
Comes in 32-oz. & 64-oz. cans. This causes most people to have to go out & buy bigger refrigerators AGAIN, once more, YET still again but not so much for Windows XP/2000 beer users. Can no longer looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's OR Windows NT Beers but more like Windows XP Beer & Windows 2000 Beer's cans combined. It improves upon Windows 2000 beers' bar use capacity & Windows XP's home use capacity. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, & IS NOT ONLY SUGGESTED FOR USE IN BARS ONLY & is quite regularly used in homes + for recreatinal purposes! Fully functional in homes as was Windows 9x beer but w/ a more robust flavour & also for bar use as well it has been improved. Tends to go the best w/ the most side-dishes (software & hardware) w/ the least hangover & after-effects! Cans are rock solid & almost never, ever, explode.
Windows VISTA Beers:
Remember "Coke Classic" & "New Coke"? Well, equate VISTA to "New Coke"... you get the picture!
(APPLE BREWERY FAMILY 2nd)
Mac System 7/8/9 Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
MacOS X:
A knock off of certain UNIX beer core ingredients (FreeBSD), came only a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a FULL FLAVOURED & ROBUST beer w/h a very pleasant taste & nice can. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it also opens itself & rarely explodes. The ingredients list is not on the can but as stated above, are widely known. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. Many Unix family beer drinkers, & Microsoft family beer drinkers hide a use of this family of beers keeping it secret & preferring the beer itself to theirs, BUT finding it not as well-surrounded w/ accompanying side-dishes as is their family of beers & finding it VERY expensive to purchase.
(IBM BREWERY FAMILY 3rd)
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously w/ out spillage. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold. It was improved to version 2.1, then 3.0, then Merlin 4.0, & lives on in industrial bar use mostly today. Can be served in most any glass, but usually older ones, since it does not recognize newer ones. It goes GREAT & dovetails in perfectly w/ the IBM brewery's TRUE "industrial strength" beer!
OS/400 - ZSeries OS Beer:
TRULY "industrial strength" beer - purely for bar use, & excels in it w/ many faithful customers. Possibly the most intelligent set of directions exist for it while using it on the can, which is very plain-jane, but easily understood. Its only for its OWN IBM glasses (hardware) & never explodes (99.999% uptime) & does not interact well w/ other's beers, or rather, as well as its own in IBM OS/2 variants. It functions w/ others, but it is w/ some minor difficulties compared to OS/2, & requires 3rd party ingredients usually. It does NOT allow you to drink many cans of it @ THE SAME TIME, however, it does allow you to drink them 1 @ a time, VERY FAST!
(OpenSource BREWERY FAMILY 4th)
Linux Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Linux Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. The Penguin logo signifies brand loyalty on all Linux beers. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years. Many users of Linux beer claim it is ideal for home use/recreational purposes, but it is ideal for bar use mostly. Many users tend to return to Windows 2000/XP/Server 2003 beers because of the availability of can openers & glasses used for it, & almost ALL are "closet" Windows 2000/XP/Server 2003 beer drinkers in some capacity.
(UNIX BREWERY FAMILY 5th)
Unix Beer:
ALSO Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
(DEC BREWERY 6th)
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top & sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary & referred
to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.
(AMIGA BREWERY FAMILY 7th)
AmigaDOS Beer:
Company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by a German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal + loud group. Originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy & colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
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* A humorous take on this: I love this one! You guys here can add a few good ones to the ones you choose!
APK